ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize