he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Randomize
