I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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