I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
