How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
This is the high leading the old right now
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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