The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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