Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
