I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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