you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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