if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
