Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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