Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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