That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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