I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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