dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
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