Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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