OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Randomize
