does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
