Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
