is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
