No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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