Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Randomize
