Do you still have your period?
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
