i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
