hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
