ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Randomize
