Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
