i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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