I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
