So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Are we still banned from the library?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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