well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
