Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
