why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
