Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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