no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I need moral support for this bender
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
