I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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