fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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