I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
