What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize