that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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