Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
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