Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
