Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
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