We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize
