Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize