What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
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Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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