if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I just found puke in my bra..
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Randomize
