What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
you inspire me to be a worse person
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
