I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
