if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
