are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
