You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
