I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I'm always down for nudity.
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