"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
True strength comes from lack of pants
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
