I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
