Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
