After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
