i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize