OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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