2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Randomize