everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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