i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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