i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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