if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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