just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
