Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
