i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
