Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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