Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Drunk is a universal language darling
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