Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize