Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Randomize
