Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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