You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.