He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Randomize
