I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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