I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Randomize
