so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Can you repeat that, but with context?
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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