i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
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