Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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