bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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