Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
