Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
