Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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