Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
