can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
