my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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